With Sarah Palin’s recent announcement that she’ll be stepping down early as governor of Alaska, we’re going back to some old rumors that swirled late last year: that she could become the newest desperate housewife. Ken Tucker from Entertainment Weekly has the same idea.

It was sort of mentioned lightly last year, what with her hot career in politics and all….but now? This is seriously a viable option for the conservative pro-abstinence parent of an unwed teenage mother. Ken’s reasoning is that we need a replacement for Edie. I disagree — we need someone to take over the NRA-badge-totin role on this show. Bree’s gotten far too moderate these days, don’t you think?

So I’m using this blog as a political platform. Post a comment if you want to see the former VP candidate as an actress on “Desperate Housewives.” Maybe she and Marc will see it and listen to us. You, American Desperate Housewives Fans, can have your voice heard!

Who’s with me??

Image: Bauer Griffin

Hard-edged tough chick Drea de Matteo — you know her from “The Sopranos” (and maybe “Friends” spin-off “Joey”…Anyone? Anyone?) — will be the next woman in desperation to take up residence on Wisteria Lane as a series regular, Entertainment Weekly is reporting.

Not moving far from her “Sopranos” roots, de Matteo will be the head of an Italian household, and will be married to a landscaper and have a “tightly wound” son, according to EW.com’s Michael Ausiello. Both of those roles have yet to be cast, but as long as they’re good actors, I don’t care who they are. I just can’t wait to get some “Sopranos” gangsta action to the ‘burbs.

I am SO excited for this move, and here’s why: Every town has its village idiot, right? Wisteria Lane is no different — except they need the village slut. Edie’s dead, so who’s going to take on that title? I’m thinking Drea’s character is going to take a lot from Edie role, but will be stronger and bring a rougher, more masculine housewife to the show.

Yay!

P.S. I’m calling it right now: She and Susan are NOT going to get along.

Image: Pacific Coast News

Desperate Housewives “If It’s Only In Your Head”
Air Date: May 17, 2009
Liveblog/recap

I’m SUPER excited for tonight’s show. There’s so much going on. M.J. might get killed. Orson’s threatening Bree. Some hot girl is moving in with Carlos and Gaby. Neighbor Peggy’s back to watch the finale, and Friend Erin — who really couldn’t have cared less about the show a few months ago — is here watching, without any persuasion from me. Just doin’ my job and creating new fans every day. (On that note, I hear from my mother that my sister watches every week, too, even though she’d never admit it to me herself.) I have nothing to hide. I love “Desperate Housewives.” More than I love the show itself, I love the season premieres and finales. So quit yer jabberin’, and watch the show, Amy!

9:01: “The thing you have to understand about Dave Evans…” YES. We’re wating no time. We start with Crazy Dave, and we start with him video taping himself. “I didn’t want to kill M.J. Delfino. I had to.” Erin isn’t understanding why I think Crazy Dave is good-looking. I obviously can’t explain why. He just is.
9:02: Are we going to get a lot of M.J. in this episode? It seems likely. He’s a cute kid, I just hope he doesn’t talk/try to acft much! Yeah, yeah. Peggy’s right about him “being like 4 or something.” NO EXCUSE. Dakota Fanning has been a fantastic little actress since she was in the womb. Jus’ sayin’.
9:04: Finally. We’re seeing what happened to the doctor. It’s about time? I just don’t get how we’re supposed to buy that everyone on the show is so dense to have no brought this up earlier?
9:05: Lily Tomlin’s name just flew across the screen in the credits!!! I’m calling it right now: The Old Lady P.I.s are going to crack the entire case.
9:06: This is the FIRST time that Susan’s raising her eyebrows about Dave’s craziness. Again: Why is it fiiiiinally happening NOW?
9:07: So I heard Crazy Dave say “It’s fine, I’m just trippin’.” But he really just said “It’s fine, it’s just a trip.” I like my version better.
9:09: I wonder how much longer Gaby can keep responding to Juanita’s questions with a “because, that’s what grownups do.”
9:10: “Spend some time at the intersection of right leg and left leg?” — Karl. This is why I love him. Did I need a reason? Can we rename this show “Desperate Househusbands.” Please? They’re all soooo much more desperate than the wives. Tom? Orson? DAVE? Hellooooooo, desperation!

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Desperate Housewives ‘Rose’s Turn’
Air Date: April 26, 2009
Liveblog/recap

OK, so things are a little bit different this week. Neighbor Peggy’s on vacation at a destination bachelorette party in Miami, so I’m joined by two new people: Friend Erin, who’s not super into Desperate Housewives but watches for moral support, and Cute Boy Ryan, who also doesn’t watch the show but is a pretty big TV nerd.

So this should be fun, yes? Let’s go!

9:03: I had some hope that Rose would let everyone know that she saw Orson, but no, she’s on the same crazy train (aaaaaallllll aboooard!) with Crazy Dave and is telling Katherine that she thinks Death came for her ….and stole her knick-knacks.

9:04: You know, as I’m watching this scene between Orson and Bree, I’m realizing it’s been a long time since we’ve had a good divorce. I could use one of those right now, but I don’t think should be Brorson (why has it taken me so long to start calling them that?? It just rolls right off the tongue), at least not yet. I love his crazy pilfering and want more of it!

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So, this is more of a theory about the rest of the season than just a prediction for tomorrow night’s show, but I have this feeling that Edie’s not going to die from the electrocution. The accident happened with far too many episodes left in the season for her to die from that, you know? I’m still thinking there’s some great shocking twist, and I’m pretty confident Dave’ll kill Katherine.

What do you think? Am I nuts and don’t know what I’m talking about, or am I on base with this?

P.S. Dear Edie: You look creepy lying there with your eyes open. Quit it! <shuddering>
P.P.S. Yay! New “Desperate Housewives”! It’s been way, way too long.

Yes, we’re going to have to wait another week until we see what happens to Edie. She has survived the accident, and is in a coma. This, of course, brings up bunches of flashbacks (including this hilarious one of Edie competing with Gaby for some dudely attention).

Edie’s always been sorta the outsider, so it’ll be nice to see her in this way. Plus, now that she’s leaving, isn’t it about time she got her face in the ending of the opening credits?? Come on, Marc!

Desperate Housewives “Death Falls Upon Edie”
Air Date: March 21, 2009
Liveblog/recap

I’ve got some new thoughts going into this episode this week. After all the hype over the “lesbian kiss” from last week, I’m nervous about the amount of hype surrounding the wife-dying episode. So I’m thinking that because we have five episodes left, that Edie won’t die this episode. So I’ve got a theory — something will happen to her to put her in what I call the “soap opera coma.” You may remember from a few seasons back when Mike was in the “soap opera coma.” Usually, they have some sort of miraculous can’t-happen-in-real-life recovery, but we already know that Nicollette Sheridan is leaving the show, sooo….

Anyway, we’ve got a packed house tonight: Neighbor Peggy, Neighbor Peggy’s boyfriend, Cameron, and friend Erin all are tuning in to watch the OMG-BIG-SCARY-SOMEONE-DIES episode tonight. Enough wasting time, onto the episode!!
9:00:  “Dave Willilams had been planning the murder for years.” …as he eats Doritos.
9:01: This little insight into Dave’s crazy is FANTASTIC. Although, if his plan is to kill Katherine, then obviously his plan is going to go awry and he’s going to kill someone who’s not Katherine. As per my prediction, I think it’s not going to be Edie, but Peggy says it is. She might be right.
9:04: KARL. YES. It’s been way too long since we’ve seen him! I just realized that the only time I really liked Susan was when she had Karl putting her in her place. Now, don’t get me wrong — I don’t think Karl’s a good person, by any means, but I love watching him.

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It’s funny, but Marcia Cross sounds like she’s taking tips from Bree’s mothering habits — and doing the exact opposite for her real-life children.

It’s good news (for DH fans) to hear that she’s got no interest in reprising her character of Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini for the Melrose Place remake — because she feels like she’s done everything possible with that character. How much more can she do with Bree?

So many good suggestions this week!! I appreciate all the tips and help! Now on to name the winners and losers of “The Story of Lucy and Jessie,” episode 5.17.

We all know I wasn’t super thrilled with this episode because of the overly hyped “lesbian” kiss, so for that reason, I’m going to do the losers first!

LOSERS

1. The Person Who Does Desperate Housewives’ Promotions: Ahh, now you can see why I made the decision to put the losers first. After having some time to think about the kiss, I’ve got a few different thoughts about it. Commenter Jamie isn’t wrong when he said it was a smart move to do it, and to do it now — during sweeps and right before Edie likely will be killed off the show. I’m in total agreeance that it’s a smart move, but I worry about smart, gimmicky moves ruining the show. But yeah, if it got more people to watch it, and we’re still here, the show did something right, yes? And this is why I just write about it after it’s happened and no one’s hiring me to do any marketing. Anyway, the reason Promotions Guy is on the list is because the actual kisses (both of them) were fine. Nothing to write home about, nothing shocking or extreme or even close to taboo. It’s the insane hype before this show that earns Promotions Guy a spot on the losers’ list.

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Desperate Housewives “The Story of Lucy and Jessie”
Air Date: March 15, 2009
Liveblog/recap

I’m watching the show by myself tonight. Neighbor Peggy’s got a lot of teacher-homework-business to do, so she’s missing out on the OMG 2 GURLS R GUNNA KISS episode. At ANY rate, I guess it’s all on me to make fun of the writers for using a tired, society-damaging device like a lesbian kiss to get more viewers. Let’s see if it was worth it…

9:00: The previously on shows Crazy Dave organizing his camping trip. This is one of the stories I’ve been dying to see more of. So has Edie! And Bradley! And Amy’s off to a terrible, non-hilarious start to tonight’s live blog. Will she get less funny? Stay tuned to find out.
9:03: Funny how things work out, eh? Carlos and Gaby can use Boss Bradley’s bribes to keep his cheating ways quiet to their benefit — and do all these things some would call “sinful,” and, in the end, Carlos gets Bradley’s job. What would you call that? Luck?
9:05: Edie just found out that Crazy Dave’s adorable daughter died in the same crash as his wife…and well, that he even had an adorable daughter to begin with. Want more! Want more! I want the entire show to be about Dave and Edie.
9:07: Aw, I was hoping for Lynette to stand up for herself when those two “old” 28-year-olds started rambling like Rachel McAdams in “Mean Girls” about how “old” women don’t stand a chance in the biz. Instead, all we got  was a “call my kids if you hear a gunshot”? Come on Lynette, where you at, lady???
9:08: And here’s our first opportunity to see Susan teaching — and Swoosie Kurtz! As previously reported, we knew she was going to be on the show, but we didn’t know how. Now we will…
9:10: Orson’s trying to justify his thievery to Bree. She’s not getting it. “Stealing a ceramic duck give you a thrill?” Ha! And he scoffs at the idea of talking to a psychiatrist, and says he’s not crazy. Oh, right, and Bree met you at the supermarket, was it, Orson? Right? Ooohhh, yeaaaah. Nice try, dude, but Dave’ll probably be leaving the show soon, and let’s face it: Every good awesome/trashy soap opera needs at least one crazy. You’ll take that crown from Dave, Orson.

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