I think the title of this post sums up this photo of Jesse Metcalfe leaving Hyde last night quite well.

Do we think the former underage gardener and rehabber looks like he’s sober enough to drive himself home after a night at the favorite spot of celebrity club-goers?

Image: Pacific Coast News

If you’re a pop culture-head (like me?) you can’t get away from the train wreck that is this bizarre fight between Will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas and Perez Hilton at the MuchMusic Awards in Toronto on Sunday. Perez was hit in the face — he says by the Black Eyed Peas’ manager. Both sides have since taken to all forms of social media in an exhausting war of text.

In the most recent statement from Perez, as posted on his Web site yesterday, he (sorta) apologizes for poking fun at an altercation Jesse Metcalfe (who used to play Gaby’s underage gardener and love interest, John Rowland) had with a bachelor party last May. In all the years I’ve been reading Perez, I’ve yet to see the man apologize. Well, there’s a first for everything, right? Here’s what Perez had to say:

“I leave this traumatic experience as a person with more compassion. Specifically, there was an instance last year when actor Jesse Metcalfe was attacked outside of a Hollywood nightclub by a fellow entertainer. I did not condone the violence, but I did make light of that situation. I regret that. Sincerely.”

Too little, too late?

Image: Pacific Coast News

Look, I have proof:

It’s been a LONG time since we’ve seen/heard much out of Jesse (since his hard-partying and the hard-rehabbing days). Here he is at the premiere of “The Hurt Locker” in Hollywood, even though he’s not in the movie.

I’m wondering if he’s out and about because we’re going to see him back in “Desperate Housewives” next season?

I’m loving his style — just not on him. He’s too beefy to be pulling off the skinny tie/waaay tight jeans combo, right?

Image: Pacific Coast News

Desperate Housewives “If It’s Only In Your Head”
Air Date: May 17, 2009
Liveblog/recap

I’m SUPER excited for tonight’s show. There’s so much going on. M.J. might get killed. Orson’s threatening Bree. Some hot girl is moving in with Carlos and Gaby. Neighbor Peggy’s back to watch the finale, and Friend Erin — who really couldn’t have cared less about the show a few months ago — is here watching, without any persuasion from me. Just doin’ my job and creating new fans every day. (On that note, I hear from my mother that my sister watches every week, too, even though she’d never admit it to me herself.) I have nothing to hide. I love “Desperate Housewives.” More than I love the show itself, I love the season premieres and finales. So quit yer jabberin’, and watch the show, Amy!

9:01: “The thing you have to understand about Dave Evans…” YES. We’re wating no time. We start with Crazy Dave, and we start with him video taping himself. “I didn’t want to kill M.J. Delfino. I had to.” Erin isn’t understanding why I think Crazy Dave is good-looking. I obviously can’t explain why. He just is.
9:02: Are we going to get a lot of M.J. in this episode? It seems likely. He’s a cute kid, I just hope he doesn’t talk/try to acft much! Yeah, yeah. Peggy’s right about him “being like 4 or something.” NO EXCUSE. Dakota Fanning has been a fantastic little actress since she was in the womb. Jus’ sayin’.
9:04: Finally. We’re seeing what happened to the doctor. It’s about time? I just don’t get how we’re supposed to buy that everyone on the show is so dense to have no brought this up earlier?
9:05: Lily Tomlin’s name just flew across the screen in the credits!!! I’m calling it right now: The Old Lady P.I.s are going to crack the entire case.
9:06: This is the FIRST time that Susan’s raising her eyebrows about Dave’s craziness. Again: Why is it fiiiiinally happening NOW?
9:07: So I heard Crazy Dave say “It’s fine, I’m just trippin’.” But he really just said “It’s fine, it’s just a trip.” I like my version better.
9:09: I wonder how much longer Gaby can keep responding to Juanita’s questions with a “because, that’s what grownups do.”
9:10: “Spend some time at the intersection of right leg and left leg?” — Karl. This is why I love him. Did I need a reason? Can we rename this show “Desperate Househusbands.” Please? They’re all soooo much more desperate than the wives. Tom? Orson? DAVE? Hellooooooo, desperation!

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Desperate Housewives “Marry Me a Little”
Air Date: May 10, 2009
Liveblog/recap

I may or may not have tricked Neighbor Peggy away from grading papers by saying that tonight was the season finale. At the last minute, I set the record straight, but it was too late. She was already in my apartment. On we go with the show! (Did that rhyme? …nevermind, DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES IS STARTING!)

9:01: First thought: Isn’t that an awful lot of scotch that Bree just poured for Karl?
9:02: I’m totally loving this Dick Tracy-like meeting between the two of them. Did Karl just call Bree “Freckles”?? Are we watching “Lost,” or “Desperate Housewives”?
9:03: Karl’s painting this horrible fantasy to Bree about a 20-something replacing her. I love that he knows just what to do to press the buttons of EVERY woman on this show. I love Karl. I’m just going to say it. I don’t love him as a human, of course, but as a character? Can’t get enough
9:04: Is…uh….is Crazy Dave’s collar popped??
9:06: Juanita’s really working the “I can be just as bratty as mommy” angle, isn’t she? She has also become a pretty good little actress this season, though.
9:08: So we’re still seeing The Return of Jackson: the Unlikable Version. Like reader Jamie pointed it, this probably means that he’s an expendable character.
9:09: Lynette and Tom are talking about Twitter. Is this “Desperate Housewives’” attempt to be with it and cool with what all the kids are up to these days? And Tom’s going on about how he went into an interview and was 10 years older than everyone else. This is EXACTLY what happened when Lynette tried to go back to work. Why are we reusing all these story lines? (Susan was faked-married to Karl to get health insurance, too, remember?)

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Desperate Housewives ‘Rose’s Turn’
Air Date: April 26, 2009
Liveblog/recap

OK, so things are a little bit different this week. Neighbor Peggy’s on vacation at a destination bachelorette party in Miami, so I’m joined by two new people: Friend Erin, who’s not super into Desperate Housewives but watches for moral support, and Cute Boy Ryan, who also doesn’t watch the show but is a pretty big TV nerd.

So this should be fun, yes? Let’s go!

9:03: I had some hope that Rose would let everyone know that she saw Orson, but no, she’s on the same crazy train (aaaaaallllll aboooard!) with Crazy Dave and is telling Katherine that she thinks Death came for her ….and stole her knick-knacks.

9:04: You know, as I’m watching this scene between Orson and Bree, I’m realizing it’s been a long time since we’ve had a good divorce. I could use one of those right now, but I don’t think should be Brorson (why has it taken me so long to start calling them that?? It just rolls right off the tongue), at least not yet. I love his crazy pilfering and want more of it!

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In light of her recent smooch with Teri Hatcher on Sunday’s episode of Desperate Housewives, Eva Longoria Parker has revealed that she hates kissing any of her costars (we can assume Carlos included?) because it’s too personal.

Wonder if she enjoyed kissing John Rowland?

“I still hate kissing on screen,” the Sun reported her saying. “I still think it’s really intimate and it doesn’t matter who it is. I still find it such a personal invasion.”

Obviously, she loves to kiss husband Tony Parker, as shown above in this photo of the two kissing at a basketball game in June.

Image: INF

This is an old clip, but worth mentioning. Jesse Metcalfe was on Ellen back in October of 2006. Like I said, it’s old! They talk about his role on Desperate Housewives, how he is considering getting a dog like Ellen’s and the fact that any magazine with him in it have the pages ripped out. LOL! He is so cute.

If you could pick one character from Desperate Housewives to be your date for Valentine’s Day, who would it be? Would it be Tom Scavo or maybe Gabrielle Solis. Pick your Valentine and tell me why you chose them.

Desperate Housewives Girls:

                   Susan                                            Gabrielle

                    Lynette                                          Bree

The rest of the cast is below the cut.

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This Friday, of course, is a rerun of Desperate Housewives. ABC is airing Episode 4.5 “Art Isn’t Easy“. It’s original air date was October 28, 2007.

You can read the recap here and see some great promo photos here.

This was a great episode. The whole water sculpture thing was pretty funny. Here’s the end of the episode where Katherine confronts neighbors Bob and Lee about their water sculpture again. I’d say they put her in her place wouldn’t you?

This is probably my favorite clip of the whole episode. Right after Bob and Lee assembled their um, piece of art in their front yard, the Desperate Housewives assembled to check it out. Would this water sculpture fly in your neighborhood?

More videos below the cut.

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