Desperate Housewives “If It’s Only In Your Head”
Air Date: May 17, 2009
Liveblog/recap

I’m SUPER excited for tonight’s show. There’s so much going on. M.J. might get killed. Orson’s threatening Bree. Some hot girl is moving in with Carlos and Gaby. Neighbor Peggy’s back to watch the finale, and Friend Erin — who really couldn’t have cared less about the show a few months ago — is here watching, without any persuasion from me. Just doin’ my job and creating new fans every day. (On that note, I hear from my mother that my sister watches every week, too, even though she’d never admit it to me herself.) I have nothing to hide. I love “Desperate Housewives.” More than I love the show itself, I love the season premieres and finales. So quit yer jabberin’, and watch the show, Amy!

9:01: “The thing you have to understand about Dave Evans…” YES. We’re wating no time. We start with Crazy Dave, and we start with him video taping himself. “I didn’t want to kill M.J. Delfino. I had to.” Erin isn’t understanding why I think Crazy Dave is good-looking. I obviously can’t explain why. He just is.
9:02: Are we going to get a lot of M.J. in this episode? It seems likely. He’s a cute kid, I just hope he doesn’t talk/try to acft much! Yeah, yeah. Peggy’s right about him “being like 4 or something.” NO EXCUSE. Dakota Fanning has been a fantastic little actress since she was in the womb. Jus’ sayin’.
9:04: Finally. We’re seeing what happened to the doctor. It’s about time? I just don’t get how we’re supposed to buy that everyone on the show is so dense to have no brought this up earlier?
9:05: Lily Tomlin’s name just flew across the screen in the credits!!! I’m calling it right now: The Old Lady P.I.s are going to crack the entire case.
9:06: This is the FIRST time that Susan’s raising her eyebrows about Dave’s craziness. Again: Why is it fiiiiinally happening NOW?
9:07: So I heard Crazy Dave say “It’s fine, I’m just trippin’.” But he really just said “It’s fine, it’s just a trip.” I like my version better.
9:09: I wonder how much longer Gaby can keep responding to Juanita’s questions with a “because, that’s what grownups do.”
9:10: “Spend some time at the intersection of right leg and left leg?” — Karl. This is why I love him. Did I need a reason? Can we rename this show “Desperate Househusbands.” Please? They’re all soooo much more desperate than the wives. Tom? Orson? DAVE? Hellooooooo, desperation!

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Desperate Housewives “Marry Me a Little”
Air Date: May 10, 2009
Liveblog/recap

I may or may not have tricked Neighbor Peggy away from grading papers by saying that tonight was the season finale. At the last minute, I set the record straight, but it was too late. She was already in my apartment. On we go with the show! (Did that rhyme? …nevermind, DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES IS STARTING!)

9:01: First thought: Isn’t that an awful lot of scotch that Bree just poured for Karl?
9:02: I’m totally loving this Dick Tracy-like meeting between the two of them. Did Karl just call Bree “Freckles”?? Are we watching “Lost,” or “Desperate Housewives”?
9:03: Karl’s painting this horrible fantasy to Bree about a 20-something replacing her. I love that he knows just what to do to press the buttons of EVERY woman on this show. I love Karl. I’m just going to say it. I don’t love him as a human, of course, but as a character? Can’t get enough
9:04: Is…uh….is Crazy Dave’s collar popped??
9:06: Juanita’s really working the “I can be just as bratty as mommy” angle, isn’t she? She has also become a pretty good little actress this season, though.
9:08: So we’re still seeing The Return of Jackson: the Unlikable Version. Like reader Jamie pointed it, this probably means that he’s an expendable character.
9:09: Lynette and Tom are talking about Twitter. Is this “Desperate Housewives’” attempt to be with it and cool with what all the kids are up to these days? And Tom’s going on about how he went into an interview and was 10 years older than everyone else. This is EXACTLY what happened when Lynette tried to go back to work. Why are we reusing all these story lines? (Susan was faked-married to Karl to get health insurance, too, remember?)

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Desperate Housewives ‘Look Into Their Eyes and You See What They Know’
Air Date: April 19, 2009
Liveblog/recap

Aight, kids. It’s been waaaaay too long since we last did this, and I’m extremely excited for this episode. I’m excited even though I just stopped of at Wendy’s for a Frosty, and they were all out of chocolate, so I had to get a vanilla Frosty. Why do those even exist?? But now I’m here, with Neighbor Peggy and Friend Erin, and we’re ready to see the first episode of “Desperate Housewives” in a month.

9:00: Yes! Edie’s narrating. “What can I say? It was one of those days.” The only people who’ve narrated the show have been dead. Mary Alice, Rex. Is she dee-ee-dee ded?
9:01: Yep. Less than a minute into the show, and my soap-opera-coma theory is already wrong. Edie really is DEAD dead. Wow. That’s….it?
9:02: It suddenly occurred to me that maybe this is what Dana Delany meant when she said “dead doesn’t mean dead.” Edie’s going to take over for Mary Alice? I mean, her character is totally moot at this point, right? Nicollette’s leaving the show for good, though, so maybe not.
9:04: So are we going to see all these happy stories about when Edie was fun and nice with everyone? Don’t get me wrong, I loved Edie, but she wasn’t the girl next door.
9:05: “Funny and likes to gossip? We’re going to get along just fine,” -Susan. Uh-huh. Yup. Until you BURN EACH OTHER’S HOUSES DOWN?
9:06: Thank the high harlotty heavens! Edie just said she was sleeping with a married neighbor. Good thing we’re not having happy-memory time like the 100th episode, with Eli Scruggs.

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Desperate Housewives “Crime Doesn’t Pay”

Air date: March 8, 2009

Live blog/recap

As always, here’s the deal: Neighbor Peggy and I sit and watch the ‘wives and comment on how much better their lives could be if they’d just listen to us. This time, Neighbor Peggy’s boyfriend, Cameron, (sorta) joins us. He’s doing something on his laptop and half-listening to to the show.

Don’t forget about the winners and losers of the show! Check back later for them — and suggest some of your own if you have ‘em!

9:00: It looks like this is going to be a big Orson episode — which is a good thing. Not gonna lie, I always was kinda irritated that we just ignored his shadiness and accepted him at Bree’s husband, and five (six? Seven?) years later, here we are.
9:02: “I used  to be a dentist, remember?” Ooohh, right. Tom’s always been my favorite man on the show, and I like that he’s gettin’ spunky. And Orson just earned a new nickname by stealing the salt shaker: KleptOrson.
9:04: Susan’s wearing a see-through shirt? Actually, on second glance, it looks great on her — albeit a little too…harlotty? There’s a better word for a 44-year-old woman wearing a bra with a fishing net over it. I’m not quite sure if I can remember just what it is….oh, that’s right: COUGAR.
9:07: I can’t say I’m surprised that Bradley is making Gaby his alibi, though that’s not a fantastic position for her to be in… “I paid you thirty grand, I want to get my money’s worth.”
9:09: Orson’s doing a weird voice with the stolen salt shaker? I just keep looking a the screen and saying “WTF? No, seriously…wtf.”
9:10: Peggy comes in late with the boyfriend, Cameron, and immediately says, “What is Susan wearing?” Cameron says, “Yeah, baby!”

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Desperate Housewives “In a World Where Kings Are Employers”
Air date: Feb. 15, 2009
Live blog / recap

Aight, so here’s the deal: I usually watch with Neighbor Peggy and we toss some witty banter back and forth about the show. She can’t make it tonight, so I’m just going to have to tell Susan jokes to myself!

Check back tomorrow (Monday) for the winners and losers of tonight’s show! (And suggest some of your own if you have ‘em!)

Shall we begin?

9:00 The “previously on” showed Crazy Dave’s therapist realizing that Mike was in the band. That means we’ll get to see an altercation between them!
9:02: Uh, did Susan just tell Mike to step up and help out? Who is this woman, and what has she done with Susan?
9:03: MJ’s at Katherine’s. I sense a battle over who’s the better mom: Katherine vs, Susan. I think Katherine wins round number one. Two words: blackjack lesson.
9:06: I love how Bree’s family continues getting wealthier and wealthier as her neighbors (Lynette/Tom’s slow business and Carlos not getting a bonus) are feeling the economy. I also wish this was a made-up recession for a TV show, instead of a TV show pulling from reality.
9:09: Tom’s putting his foot down and saying he won’t close the pizza shop. We all know how THAT one’ll end: He’ll apologize to Lynette for being a jerk and they’ll close down the shop. What’re they going to do? Go back to the ad biz?
9:12: “Life is brief and mostly sucks.” Awww, it’s Edie. Foreshadowing, there? I don’t think I can watch her without thinking about what’s going to happen to her
9:13: Edie hears buzzing. Is Crazy Dave hiding a crazy vibrator?
9:14: Or a cell phone. That was my next guess.

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Desperate Housewives “Mama Spent Money When She Had None”
Air date: Feb. 8, 2009
Live blog / recap [preview]

Aight, so here’s the deal: Neighbor Peggy and I are watching the ‘wives tonight and commenting about all the events of the show. Some of them might be even witty comments. Check back tomorrow (Monday) for the winners and losers of tonight’s show! (And suggest some of your own if you have ‘em!)

Shall we begin?

I was just trying to get in a Katy Perry performance before Desperate Housewives started, but all I got was Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus. Guess I can’t be too picky if I prayed for poppy pop and they chose to give me these two instead of Katy. <sigh>
Anyway, forget about the Grammys! DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES TIME!
9:00: The “previously on” leads me to believe that they might bring up the Baby Matt Damon thing again? It made me angry that it was resolved really quickly, so this is kinda necessary.
9:02: Actually, it looks like they brought it up as an excuse to explain why Lynette and Tom are broke.
9:03: If I ever have a book that goes on the New York Times bestseller’s list, I’m going to buy something nicer than a Lexus…right? This is like the middle shelf of the car world. I wanna go top shelf/Grey Goose and get a Lamborghini. Or an ’82 DeLorean.
9:05: M.J.’s kinda creepy …in that Children of the Corn/Village of the Damned-sorta way.
9:09: All this Tom and Foxy the Sports Car stuff is breaking my heart. Some other guy’s out there driving his woman/car! I’m going to go out on a limb here, and say that he’ll get it back at the end of the episode.
9:09: I want more Bob and Lee. Actually, I want an entire Bob and Lee show. Lee would stick his nose where it didn’t belong, in a comical and entertaining way, of course, and Bob would wave his finger at Lee and say, “Ooohh, that Lee!”
9:10: COMMERCIAL. SWITCH TO GRAMMYS IN HOPES OF KATY PERRY. …and get the Jonas Brothers (and Stevie Wonder?? Have they earned that?)  <whines> I just waaannt Kaaaaty!

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Desperate Housewives 5.11 “Home is the Place”
Air date: Jan. 11, 2009
Live blog / recap [preview]

Aight, so here’s the deal: Neighbor Peggy and I are watching the ‘wives tonight and commenting about all the events of the show. Some of them might be even witty comments. Check back tomorrow (Monday) for the winners and losers of tonight’s show! (And suggest some of your own if you have ‘em!)

Shall we begin?

9:00: Oh man, we’re starting right off with Crazy Dave bein’ all crazy. I especially love how Mary Alice is talking so nonchalantly about his crazy, too. “And then he went crazy. Oh, and then, and then…”
9:01: How GOOD does Edie look when Dave “bumped” into her?
9:02: Ah, here’s the beginning of the end for Mike. It just seems like he’s been out of the picture for so long, and I’ve kinda forgotten about him.
“And just like that, Dave’s dream of revenge was salvaged.” Yeessss….
9:04: Susan changes the subject from Edie and asks, “Think you can rent my house out?” translation: “Me me me, me me me, me me me.”
9:05: Katherine walked up to Mike’s house as Dave’s mowin’ the lawn. Doesn’t she look like she’s about to whip open the trench coat and flash him?
9:06: Peggy says she’s totally making the moving-to-Baltimore thing up to see what Mike says. Obviously, Mike failed that little mind-reading test.
9:06: Bree looks good! In glasses, and more relaxed? What is it about her? Is it because Melina isn’t in this episode yet?
9:07: Woah! Future son-in-law Alex took an AWESOME character turn and started yelling at Bree not to emasculate Orson because that’s how his mom used to talk his dad. Looks like someone’s script got beefed up.
9:10: Does anyone else want to see what Baby Matt Damon 1’s life is like in the nursing home? Running through the cafeteria and stealin’ all the lime Jell-O and smearing it all over the bingo boards.
9:11: Peggy and I both, at the same time, comment on Edie’s boobs. Is she wearing a bra, and if so, why is it so ineffective? She’s got a bad case of what I like to call the whale boob…you know, like how whales’ eyes are all far apart and on the sides of their heads?

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I just found a scan from TV Guide and we FINALLY get to see what all of the Scavos look like in season 5 of Desperate Housewives. Take a peek here.

When Felicity Huffman said her new twins looked like little Matt Damons, she wasn’t exaggerating! I still can’t believe they are 20 year olds playing the 16 year old Scavo twins. Creator Marc Cherry had seriously considered casting one kid to play the twins, until the San Francisco identical twins Max and Charlie Carver came on the scene.

The article also informed us that the twins are still mischievous, but they have their distinct personalities. Preston’s a party boy and Porter, a poet. I love it! It should definitely make things interesting.

Parker is played by 13 year old Joshua Moore from Texas. He was a blond, but had to dye his hair red to play the part. And Kendall Applegate plays little Penny. Kendall just so happens to be Felicity’s middle name!

What about trouble-maker Kayla from last season? Cherry says, “She might very well rear her ugly head.”

Will there be any affairs on season 5? I know, I know…very dumb question. Word on the street is that one of the Scavo twins will have an affair with a married lady. My money is definitely on Gail O’Grady!

TV Guide gave us a little scoop on season 5 of Desperate Housewives. As you know, the 5 year flash forward that we saw in the season 4 finale, required some re-casting of the Scavo kids. Aging the adults 5 years is no problem, but the kids, that’s a whole other story.

Trying to find teenage twins to replace Lynette’s younger twins was no easy task. Producer Bob Daily said, “We had actually talked about hiring a single actor and doing a Patty Duke Show sort of thing. ‘Where’s your brother?’ ‘Let me go get him….’ Thank God we were able to find these great kids, Charles and Max Carver.“

I have yet to see pictures of these new twins. Has any one else? I am dying to know what they look like. Felicity Huffman compared them to little Matt Damons.

This is a great interview with Felicity Huffman on the TCA red carpet. She gets asked about the Desperate Housewives season finale five year flash forward and she definitely seems happy about it. She says that the writers can do so much more now. She also mentioned that she has worked with the new twins and they are great. They are 20 year olds playing 16! Amazing.

I thought it was interesting how she talked about being a mother to teenagers and she also said something about hopefully they won’t break apart Tom and Lynette. Do you think that’s in their future? I have a feeling it just may be….