Desperate Housewives “If It’s Only In Your Head”
Air Date: May 17, 2009
Liveblog/recap

I’m SUPER excited for tonight’s show. There’s so much going on. M.J. might get killed. Orson’s threatening Bree. Some hot girl is moving in with Carlos and Gaby. Neighbor Peggy’s back to watch the finale, and Friend Erin — who really couldn’t have cared less about the show a few months ago — is here watching, without any persuasion from me. Just doin’ my job and creating new fans every day. (On that note, I hear from my mother that my sister watches every week, too, even though she’d never admit it to me herself.) I have nothing to hide. I love “Desperate Housewives.” More than I love the show itself, I love the season premieres and finales. So quit yer jabberin’, and watch the show, Amy!

9:01: “The thing you have to understand about Dave Evans…” YES. We’re wating no time. We start with Crazy Dave, and we start with him video taping himself. “I didn’t want to kill M.J. Delfino. I had to.” Erin isn’t understanding why I think Crazy Dave is good-looking. I obviously can’t explain why. He just is.
9:02: Are we going to get a lot of M.J. in this episode? It seems likely. He’s a cute kid, I just hope he doesn’t talk/try to acft much! Yeah, yeah. Peggy’s right about him “being like 4 or something.” NO EXCUSE. Dakota Fanning has been a fantastic little actress since she was in the womb. Jus’ sayin’.
9:04: Finally. We’re seeing what happened to the doctor. It’s about time? I just don’t get how we’re supposed to buy that everyone on the show is so dense to have no brought this up earlier?
9:05: Lily Tomlin’s name just flew across the screen in the credits!!! I’m calling it right now: The Old Lady P.I.s are going to crack the entire case.
9:06: This is the FIRST time that Susan’s raising her eyebrows about Dave’s craziness. Again: Why is it fiiiiinally happening NOW?
9:07: So I heard Crazy Dave say “It’s fine, I’m just trippin’.” But he really just said “It’s fine, it’s just a trip.” I like my version better.
9:09: I wonder how much longer Gaby can keep responding to Juanita’s questions with a “because, that’s what grownups do.”
9:10: “Spend some time at the intersection of right leg and left leg?” — Karl. This is why I love him. Did I need a reason? Can we rename this show “Desperate Househusbands.” Please? They’re all soooo much more desperate than the wives. Tom? Orson? DAVE? Hellooooooo, desperation!

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Desperate Housewives “In a World Where Kings Are Employers”
Air date: Feb. 15, 2009
Live blog / recap

Aight, so here’s the deal: I usually watch with Neighbor Peggy and we toss some witty banter back and forth about the show. She can’t make it tonight, so I’m just going to have to tell Susan jokes to myself!

Check back tomorrow (Monday) for the winners and losers of tonight’s show! (And suggest some of your own if you have ‘em!)

Shall we begin?

9:00 The “previously on” showed Crazy Dave’s therapist realizing that Mike was in the band. That means we’ll get to see an altercation between them!
9:02: Uh, did Susan just tell Mike to step up and help out? Who is this woman, and what has she done with Susan?
9:03: MJ’s at Katherine’s. I sense a battle over who’s the better mom: Katherine vs, Susan. I think Katherine wins round number one. Two words: blackjack lesson.
9:06: I love how Bree’s family continues getting wealthier and wealthier as her neighbors (Lynette/Tom’s slow business and Carlos not getting a bonus) are feeling the economy. I also wish this was a made-up recession for a TV show, instead of a TV show pulling from reality.
9:09: Tom’s putting his foot down and saying he won’t close the pizza shop. We all know how THAT one’ll end: He’ll apologize to Lynette for being a jerk and they’ll close down the shop. What’re they going to do? Go back to the ad biz?
9:12: “Life is brief and mostly sucks.” Awww, it’s Edie. Foreshadowing, there? I don’t think I can watch her without thinking about what’s going to happen to her
9:13: Edie hears buzzing. Is Crazy Dave hiding a crazy vibrator?
9:14: Or a cell phone. That was my next guess.

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Desperate Housewives “The Best Thing That Ever Could Have Happened”
Air date: Jan. 18, 2009
Live blog / recap [preview]

Aight, so here’s the deal: Neighbor Peggy and I are watching the ‘wives tonight and commenting about all the events of the show. Some of them might be even witty comments. Check back tomorrow (Monday) for the winners and losers of tonight’s show! (And suggest some of your own if you have ‘em!)

Shall we begin?

8:55: I always get really excited when Ty Pennington says “Welcome home, ____ family!” This is about the time I turn on the T.V. in desperate Desperate anticipation. I start shaking my fists like a 7-year-old boy at a Spiderman movie.
8:59: Before this episode begins, I need to make a quick rant about the title. Why’d we decide on the longest, most rambling show title for the 100th episode?? “The Best Thing That Ever Could Have Happened”, guys? Seriously? It’s like the writers are stickin’ it to all the bloggers out there who just want a short title to fit in the headline spot!
9:00: Looks like we’re starting right off with Eli Scruggs….I just know his death is going to be ridiculous(ly AWESOME).
9:01: Eli has a “bum ticker”? What? Am I watching a cop drama from the ’40s? I expect he’ll call Susan a dumb broad a couple of times by the end of the show.
9:02: “I prefer to go quietly, if you know what I mean. Don’t wanna big fuss.” Ooh man. That’s just what he did. Of course he died on Susan’s roof.
9:03: Aw, serious Gaby. Serious Gaby in non-pretty clothes. Ain’t nothin’ funny or good about that.
9:05: OK, so it’s no surprise Gaby’s wearing extensions because she’s got short hair, but seerriously, them’s is some bad extensions.
9:06: Gaby in a gold dress with gold…everything else…that, my friend, is probably what she meant by “making an entrance.”
9:08: Eli’s awfully nosy in the neighborhood for someone we didn’t know existed until eight minutes ago…
9:09: Why am I about to cry with Gaby’s little confession about being lonely? She’s far too endearing when she’s being humble.
9:11: I LOVE FLASHBACK SHOWS. QUIT BEING COMMERCIALS, COMMERCIALS. That is all.
9:13: Yes! Time for the Bree flashback! REX. REX IS BACK! YES!
9:15: He wasn’t this big of an a-hole, was he? Why is Rex bein’ all “I’m the man of the house, woman”??
9:17: OK, it’s the 100th episode — so I’ll let this slide — but again: We didn’t know dude existed before the show started, and now we’re discovering he’s behind everything that ever happened on the show? Wait, is he…? Could it be…? Eli Scruggs is….Jesus Christ? On second though, nah, can’t be. Not even Jesus was this ubiquitous.
9:23: Edie! You look fantastic! Even when you’re getting bad news. But not as good as you look in…red…underpanties….(except for the Edie-anama Canal between your boobs?)
9:26: I’m not going to even get into the “I turned him gay” rant. Glad Eli’s there to be like, “listen, lady, you wish you had something to do with. Only I’m to thank for his orientation because I’m Jesus!” Ha. Just kidding.

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I just found a scan from TV Guide and we FINALLY get to see what all of the Scavos look like in season 5 of Desperate Housewives. Take a peek here.

When Felicity Huffman said her new twins looked like little Matt Damons, she wasn’t exaggerating! I still can’t believe they are 20 year olds playing the 16 year old Scavo twins. Creator Marc Cherry had seriously considered casting one kid to play the twins, until the San Francisco identical twins Max and Charlie Carver came on the scene.

The article also informed us that the twins are still mischievous, but they have their distinct personalities. Preston’s a party boy and Porter, a poet. I love it! It should definitely make things interesting.

Parker is played by 13 year old Joshua Moore from Texas. He was a blond, but had to dye his hair red to play the part. And Kendall Applegate plays little Penny. Kendall just so happens to be Felicity’s middle name!

What about trouble-maker Kayla from last season? Cherry says, “She might very well rear her ugly head.”

Will there be any affairs on season 5? I know, I know…very dumb question. Word on the street is that one of the Scavo twins will have an affair with a married lady. My money is definitely on Gail O’Grady!