Season 6, episode 3 liveblog: “Never Judge a Lady by Her Lover”

OK! So it took some time, but I managed to talk (Not)Neighbor Peggy into coming over and hanging out with me and watch some “Desperate Housewives.” We’re far too excited about John Rowland showing up again. We’re far too excited about the Great Lynette Baby Debacle of Aught Nine. We’re far too excited for…well, this season. It’s just SO GOOD.

So we’re still doing the live-tweeting thing (here and here and here! Follow me follow me follow me!) during the show, and I’m just copying that here for you (with some much-needed corrections, of course.)

Onward and outbound and outward!

9:00: YES! Immediately starting off with John Rowland. SO EXCITED FOR JOHN TO BE BACK ON THE SHOW.
9:01: Is Mary Alice comparing Wisteria Lane to a “real” suburb? Because….
9:02: Oh MAN. Did anyone just catch the look that Ana just shot at John? Is THAT going to happen?
9:02: ….and the look that Carlos is giving Gaby?
9:05: So how old is John now? He was 16 in 2004…Season 5 jumped ahead five years….he’s 24 now? Is my math right?
9:06: I’m not a lawyer (speaking of, hi Bob! Forgot you were on the show!), and stuff, but isn’t Danny innocent until proven guilty?
9:07: Where’s the other Baby Matt Damon?
9:08: “You two are so irresponsible, you should’ve been using protection. ” — Baby Matt Damon 1 (or 2?)
9:08: “……you’ve just destroyed your futures for just a few minutes of pleasure.”

9:15: Bob’s getting suspicious of the NY Vampire teen…finally!
9:16: “Now did you park in the building lot? Because we validate.” — Carlos to John.
9:17: OH MY GOD CARLOS. YOU’RE WINNING AT EVERYTHING.
9:23: Neighbor Peggy says about Karl’s date: “Is she a hooker? Who tells random people that you’re going to the Motor Lodge?”
9:24: Does Bree’s chest look bruised? Peggy and I are debating her dress color and whether we like it or not. Peggy says she’s doing the Nicole Kidman thing where she gets the dress too close to her skin color.
9:25: “I’m going to nail that Danny Bolen kid.” — Susan. We just giggled over here.
9:26: “I’m not wrong.” — Susan, about Danny attacking Julie. Do you believe her? I believe she believes her…self.
9:27: Bree: “She’s beneath you.” Karl: “Not yet.”
9:29: Did…uh…did Bree just break Karl’s date’s nose?
9:29: Peggy’s answer to my question: “That’s what you get when you give Bree a challenge.”
9:34: Carlos is giving a promotion to Pregnant Lynette over Pregnant Judy ….
9:36: “A woman wouldn’t do that for a man she’s not in love with,” — poor Orson, to Bree, who’s obviously in love with Karl/NotOrson.
9:37: Angie Bolen just made fun of the suicide of the woman that this entire show is based on. YES.
9:38: Name changes? Peggy says the Bolens are in witness protection. I think they’re the ones someone needs protecting from.
9:39: The producers are trying SO HARD to make this kid a cheap knockoff version of Robert Pattinson, it’s not even funny.
9:40: Susan just told Danny that she knew Julie thought she was pregnant…he didn’t know.
9:40: Susan getting violent…on purpose?? She almost KILLED the NY Vampire???
9:46: I love how Lynette’s afraid of Carlos’ discrimination. Oh wait, that’s hate that I feel. Not love.
9:47: Oh, TOM! (He’s drinking the wine for Lynette) I love you. I want to find you in real life. Where do Toms grow?
9:47: OK, that was a nice try, Tom. Heart was in the right place, we know, we know.
9:48: I really, really love it when Gaby shows Carlos that she loves him. “Don’t worry, I have clothes and makeup in the car.”
9:49: Do you think Danny Bolen sparkles when the sunlight hits him? Maybe he hisses at the sun?
9:51: “Remember, aim for the head, not for the legs.” — Angie to Danny. This is a great mother-son relationship.
9:52: “Your boobs look great in that dress” — Tom to Gaby. Man. When you’re not wrong, you’re not wrong, Tom.
9:57: Oh, hey, Susan, what’s up? Remember that one time you tried to kill Cheap Knockoff of Robert Pattinson?
9:57: Also, Susan, remember that one time you attacked a teenage boy without any reason? Me too. I remember all these things.
10:00: Gaby saved a photo of her and John. After that speech to Carlos, Gabs?
10:00: Aw. I love that Susan is helping Angie out. It’s like you can almost kill someone’s son and then all will be forgiven when you help them clean off their lawn from someone defacing their property because of the rumors you spread…
10:01: Prediction: Julie was attacked by either Angie or Ana.
10:02: Oh, goodgodinheaven, I am SO EXCITED for the John Rowland/family incest episode next week. That needs to happen NOW.