So we’ve already established that things are a little wonky (a little?) between Bree and Orson, what with the impending divorce and all. Now that Karl’s in the picture, slutting up the scene and having an affair with Bree, things are even more complicated.

Apparently, Bree’s not the stone-cold tough lady she kinda seems to be, and she’s going to face some stress about breaking one of those Ten Commandments. (Wait, infidelity is one, right?)

According to Mickey O’Connor from TV Guide, Bree will turn to “an old friend who you might have thought was out of the picture.” Well, let’s see….all her previous husbands/boyfriends (Rex? George the Pharmacist?) are dead…..

Who could it be? Wait….Zach Young??? Could it be?? That was one of my BIGGEST problems with the first season, is that he and his father just…went away. Now that I think about it, I’m fairly certain it’s gotta be Zach! Right? Maybe?

Who do you think it is?

Image: CTV

Victoria Beckham and her posh shoulders (shown in this photo shopping in Milan on Tuesday) are too busy to guest star on “Desperate Housewives,” friend Eva Longoria Parker told monstersandcritics.com.

“She is a bright girl and so funny,” Eva said. “We would love her on the show and the show’s creator, Marc Cherry, thinks she is super. But Victoria is way too busy with her fashion empire, which is a shame.”

Still, I don’t know what I think about her having a cameo. But if she’s got a good role in the show, it’d be better than a pretend-lesbian kiss, that’s for sure. Who do you think she’d be? I feel like Posh could only play Bob and Lee’s interior decorator, or some competitor for Bree’s homemaker business.

Or, maybe she could move in next door as a hasbeen pop star from a popular ’90s girl group, who has to dial down her life now that she’s no longer making as much money.

Jus’ sayin’.

Image: Bauer Griffin

Desperate Housewives “Death Falls Upon Edie”
Air Date: March 21, 2009
Liveblog/recap

I’ve got some new thoughts going into this episode this week. After all the hype over the “lesbian kiss” from last week, I’m nervous about the amount of hype surrounding the wife-dying episode. So I’m thinking that because we have five episodes left, that Edie won’t die this episode. So I’ve got a theory — something will happen to her to put her in what I call the “soap opera coma.” You may remember from a few seasons back when Mike was in the “soap opera coma.” Usually, they have some sort of miraculous can’t-happen-in-real-life recovery, but we already know that Nicollette Sheridan is leaving the show, sooo….

Anyway, we’ve got a packed house tonight: Neighbor Peggy, Neighbor Peggy’s boyfriend, Cameron, and friend Erin all are tuning in to watch the OMG-BIG-SCARY-SOMEONE-DIES episode tonight. Enough wasting time, onto the episode!!
9:00:  “Dave Willilams had been planning the murder for years.” …as he eats Doritos.
9:01: This little insight into Dave’s crazy is FANTASTIC. Although, if his plan is to kill Katherine, then obviously his plan is going to go awry and he’s going to kill someone who’s not Katherine. As per my prediction, I think it’s not going to be Edie, but Peggy says it is. She might be right.
9:04: KARL. YES. It’s been way too long since we’ve seen him! I just realized that the only time I really liked Susan was when she had Karl putting her in her place. Now, don’t get me wrong — I don’t think Karl’s a good person, by any means, but I love watching him.

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It’s funny, but Marcia Cross sounds like she’s taking tips from Bree’s mothering habits — and doing the exact opposite for her real-life children.

It’s good news (for DH fans) to hear that she’s got no interest in reprising her character of Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini for the Melrose Place remake — because she feels like she’s done everything possible with that character. How much more can she do with Bree?

So many good suggestions this week!! I appreciate all the tips and help! Now on to name the winners and losers of “The Story of Lucy and Jessie,” episode 5.17.

We all know I wasn’t super thrilled with this episode because of the overly hyped “lesbian” kiss, so for that reason, I’m going to do the losers first!

LOSERS

1. The Person Who Does Desperate Housewives’ Promotions: Ahh, now you can see why I made the decision to put the losers first. After having some time to think about the kiss, I’ve got a few different thoughts about it. Commenter Jamie isn’t wrong when he said it was a smart move to do it, and to do it now — during sweeps and right before Edie likely will be killed off the show. I’m in total agreeance that it’s a smart move, but I worry about smart, gimmicky moves ruining the show. But yeah, if it got more people to watch it, and we’re still here, the show did something right, yes? And this is why I just write about it after it’s happened and no one’s hiring me to do any marketing. Anyway, the reason Promotions Guy is on the list is because the actual kisses (both of them) were fine. Nothing to write home about, nothing shocking or extreme or even close to taboo. It’s the insane hype before this show that earns Promotions Guy a spot on the losers’ list.

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Desperate Housewives “The Story of Lucy and Jessie”
Air Date: March 15, 2009
Liveblog/recap

I’m watching the show by myself tonight. Neighbor Peggy’s got a lot of teacher-homework-business to do, so she’s missing out on the OMG 2 GURLS R GUNNA KISS episode. At ANY rate, I guess it’s all on me to make fun of the writers for using a tired, society-damaging device like a lesbian kiss to get more viewers. Let’s see if it was worth it…

9:00: The previously on shows Crazy Dave organizing his camping trip. This is one of the stories I’ve been dying to see more of. So has Edie! And Bradley! And Amy’s off to a terrible, non-hilarious start to tonight’s live blog. Will she get less funny? Stay tuned to find out.
9:03: Funny how things work out, eh? Carlos and Gaby can use Boss Bradley’s bribes to keep his cheating ways quiet to their benefit — and do all these things some would call “sinful,” and, in the end, Carlos gets Bradley’s job. What would you call that? Luck?
9:05: Edie just found out that Crazy Dave’s adorable daughter died in the same crash as his wife…and well, that he even had an adorable daughter to begin with. Want more! Want more! I want the entire show to be about Dave and Edie.
9:07: Aw, I was hoping for Lynette to stand up for herself when those two “old” 28-year-olds started rambling like Rachel McAdams in “Mean Girls” about how “old” women don’t stand a chance in the biz. Instead, all we got  was a “call my kids if you hear a gunshot”? Come on Lynette, where you at, lady???
9:08: And here’s our first opportunity to see Susan teaching — and Swoosie Kurtz! As previously reported, we knew she was going to be on the show, but we didn’t know how. Now we will…
9:10: Orson’s trying to justify his thievery to Bree. She’s not getting it. “Stealing a ceramic duck give you a thrill?” Ha! And he scoffs at the idea of talking to a psychiatrist, and says he’s not crazy. Oh, right, and Bree met you at the supermarket, was it, Orson? Right? Ooohhh, yeaaaah. Nice try, dude, but Dave’ll probably be leaving the show soon, and let’s face it: Every good awesome/trashy soap opera needs at least one crazy. You’ll take that crown from Dave, Orson.

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Read last week’s winners and losers

It’s time for our weekly game of winners and losers! Please remember these are up to you, too, so if you see someone you think should be a winner/loser in Sunday’s episode, e-mail or comment it to me!

Onward to the winners and losers of the ‘wives game!

WINNERS

1. Lynette: The woman done outdone her mother AND the Matt-Damon-lookin’ kid with a single “Oh, looky, I’m going to pretend I DIED” move. I had a tiny amount of pity (itty bitty pity, if you will) for her mom at the end, but not enough to say Lynette’s move was dastardly. It was anything but dastard, in fact. Man, Lynette, you’re awesome. You manage to win in every episode, even when I’m looking forward to something else. For that, you, good lady, are a winner! (Suggested by Jamie!)

2. Edie: I’ve had a deep internal debate about whether Edie should be on the winner list. So deep, in fact, that I channeled the woman and began talking like her and making snarky comments to coworkers, friends and random people on the street (which did NOT go something like this, “Suuussan. Your mother’s in here with us.” Exorcist? Anyone? Anyone? No? Moving on…). Despite Edie’s obvious failure in being as strong and independent as I had originally pegged — when she went back to Dave at the end — she’s a winner. She put Susan in her place, and someone desperately, desperately needed to put that desperate woman on Desperate Housewives in her desperate place. That, for the time being, wins over male-go-backery. (Thanks to Holly for that one. Sorry, Jamie…disagreement number 2!)

3. Bree: When hasn’t Bree been a winner in this season? The red-headed fox managed to give us a great fight and a make-up with Alex, the future-son-in-law, and all in one episode. So the viewers are left with the satisfaction of watching a great spat, but with all the resolution of happy ending. And yes, the bit with Orson and Bree in the sackarooni alone is worth a winner mention. (Thanks to Holly AND Jamie for that one!)

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Read last episode’s winners and losers

Desperate Housewives are done with their little winter hiatus, which means it’s time for our weekly game of winners and losers! Please remember these are up to you, too, so if you see someone you think should be a winner/loser in Sundays episode, e-mail or comment it to me!

Shall we begin?

WINNERS

1. Gaby: Oh man, I wish I had made an entire category about Gaby’s laugh so I could grade it in each episode. Not that it would matter, though, because the evil cackle that girl had going when Bob walked into Susan’s house would win every time. Can’t wait to get this on DVD and rewatch it — over and over again. But in other Gaby-winning news, she swindled her husband into taking a job he didn’t want so she can buy pretty gold shoes (and MAN were those pretty…). I’m not sure how she managed to make him feel bad for needing her care while he was BLIND, but she did. Yes, getting what you want isn’t necessarily a good thing…unless it’s within the confines of this show!

2. Bree Hodge: I thought she’d be a loser at first. The future in-law/trashy-pants Melina seemed to be winning with her version of red hair, with all this “I called it first” business. We knew that couldn’t last long. We knew Bree would be back, and again, any woman who calls someone a troglodyte is a winner. Forever.

3. Edie Britch: Finally, finally, FINALLY we get to see more dimension to her character. Instead of being the woman who’s just the neighborhood Edie Britch Williams, she’s become a woman married to a crazypants — who grows enough of a backbone to send Dave out. I think it’s time she was on the opening credits of the show, which, I might add, haven’t been updated pictorially since ‘nam/the beginning of the show.

LOSERS

1. Dave Williams: For entertainment purposes, Dave isn’t a loser. In fact, there’s nothing more that I love than watching a man go crazy. I’ll be dreaming about the scene with him sitting at the table, all whispering like a crazeee to his wife and child. But, let’s be real: in the grand scheme of the show, it’s not awesome to be crazy. It (probably) lost him his wife, and we all know he’s about an episode away from snapping and seeking his revenge on Mike… speaking of, will you miss Mike if he’s killed off the show?

2. Tie: Porter Scavo, AKA Baby Matt Damon 1, and Susan Mayer: Porter gets this award because he was too stupid to find a better place to hide than Grandma’s nursing home room. The Desperate HouseKid obviously hasn’t run away long-term before, and should’ve taken some tips from Andrew on how to survive on the street. On the bright side, we’ll get her back in Lynette’s life. Susan gets this because she told Lee she’s not happy without a man. What kind of message are you sending to your daughter AND baby son, Susan? Come ON!

3. Carlos Solis: Carlos loses for the obvious reasons. The man spent five years blind, then miraculously regains his sight, and then has to feel guilty for needing help during that time AND for wanting to help the blind…and the kicker? He’s convinced by his greedy wife to take a job he’s got no interest in. I really, really hope we see this in future episodes and it’s not just passed off as “oh, Carlos has a job now, things are back to the way they were in Season 1….”

Whattayoo think? Any other people should be on this list?

Photo source: CTV

Desperate Housewives 5.11 “Home is the Place”
Air date: Jan. 4, 2009
Live blog / recap [preview]

Tonight I’m watching with Neighbor Peggy, and we’re both super, super, SUPER excited to see tonight’s episode. Check back tomorrow for the winners and losers of “Home is the Place” or nominate your own in the comments below!!

9 p.m.: Shhhh! The “previously on” is on! I’ve been waiting A WHOLE MONTH FOR THIS!!
9:01: What’d Justin say his mother’s name was? Melina Caminas…Hyenas? Is there a coincidence that both Bree and Hyenas have red hair? I’m sensing a battle between the Good Bree and the Bad Bree. I don’t think I know which one is which.
9:03 Ah! Edie Williams realty! I keep forgetting that her last name isn’t Britt anymore. Whatever. I’m still calling her Edie Britch.
9:04: What’s wrong with Dave’s face? Peggy says it looks like he stole the color from Edie’s face. Definitely not from her chest, though. Sista looks like she’s always three seconds from a terrible case of melanoma.
9:05: Peggy and I both at the same time: “Woah, Susan!” Peggy meant is as a bad “woah” to the ruh-fuffle-fuffle shoulders on Susan’s jacket. I, however, meant it as a good “woah” because her hair finally doesn’t look like a dirtier, stringier version of Kurt Cobain’s.
9:07: Ha! Lee just called Susan a drag queen! He said it, I didn’t.
9:08: “Naked people are gross,” Carlos. Some are, Carlos. Some are.
9:09: OMG! BREE AND I HAVE THE SAME IRON!!! What does this say for my homemakery abilities? Should I be able to iron like an angel now? (How do angels iron?)

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With the success of the 90210 remake, it seems the CW’s looking to bring back another successful drama from the ’90s, according to Celebrity News Service.

Could we see a return of the show that brought us Dr. Kimberly Shaw Mancini, played by Marcia Cross? Or Matt Fielding (Doug Savant)?

I always was more of a 90210er than a Melrose Placer, so this news holds little bearing on me…although, I hope the CW keeps its hands off Bree and Tom! (For the most part. I’ll allow a guest role here and there.)

Would you watch it if it came back?

Image source: Amazon.com