Hard-edged tough chick Drea de Matteo — you know her from “The Sopranos” (and maybe “Friends” spin-off “Joey”…Anyone? Anyone?) — will be the next woman in desperation to take up residence on Wisteria Lane as a series regular, Entertainment Weekly is reporting.

Not moving far from her “Sopranos” roots, de Matteo will be the head of an Italian household, and will be married to a landscaper and have a “tightly wound” son, according to EW.com’s Michael Ausiello. Both of those roles have yet to be cast, but as long as they’re good actors, I don’t care who they are. I just can’t wait to get some “Sopranos” gangsta action to the ‘burbs.

I am SO excited for this move, and here’s why: Every town has its village idiot, right? Wisteria Lane is no different — except they need the village slut. Edie’s dead, so who’s going to take on that title? I’m thinking Drea’s character is going to take a lot from Edie role, but will be stronger and bring a rougher, more masculine housewife to the show.

Yay!

P.S. I’m calling it right now: She and Susan are NOT going to get along.

Image: Pacific Coast News

I love Dana Delany. Sure, I really don’t care for her character on the show, but I DO love that she can’t keep from spilling secrets. I’m pretty sure that she wasn’t supposed to share with E! News that both Jackson and Mike are going to propose to their respective women. Wait that’s Jackson proposing to Susan, and Katherine to Mike, in case there was any confusion (which wouldn’t be that surprising if there was, considering the histories.)

Yes, that’s right. I said Katherine proposing to Mike. She kind of alluded to the fact that Mike might not be doing the asking to Kristin Dos Santos from E! during the GLAAD Media Awards.

“Actually, the proposal is very Mike-like. That’s all I’ll say. Before you get too excited, consider this: Just because there are two proposals doesn’t necessarily mean there will be two answers of ‘yes’ to those proposals, or two weddings,” Dana said to Kristin.

I’m thinking Mike will say yes, Susan will say no?

Image: Bauer Griffin

Yes, that’s right! There’s been tons of speculation about the actor’s return after a horrible motorcycle crash last year, but EW.com is reporting that Gale Harold WILL be back on the show’s May 3 episode.

“Quite frankly, I think he looks even better [than before the crash],” Marc Cherry told Entertainment Weekly.

And guess what? Apparently, Jackson will return with a “very important question for Susan — one that she’s kind of stunned by,” he said.

EW.com is speculating that his question is a marriage proposal, but I’m hoping it’s not that predictable. Cherry wouldn’t say if Gale would be around for Season 6, but it’s a possibility.

What do you think his question will be?

Image: CTV

Desperate Housewives “Death Falls Upon Edie”
Air Date: March 21, 2009
Liveblog/recap

I’ve got some new thoughts going into this episode this week. After all the hype over the “lesbian kiss” from last week, I’m nervous about the amount of hype surrounding the wife-dying episode. So I’m thinking that because we have five episodes left, that Edie won’t die this episode. So I’ve got a theory — something will happen to her to put her in what I call the “soap opera coma.” You may remember from a few seasons back when Mike was in the “soap opera coma.” Usually, they have some sort of miraculous can’t-happen-in-real-life recovery, but we already know that Nicollette Sheridan is leaving the show, sooo….

Anyway, we’ve got a packed house tonight: Neighbor Peggy, Neighbor Peggy’s boyfriend, Cameron, and friend Erin all are tuning in to watch the OMG-BIG-SCARY-SOMEONE-DIES episode tonight. Enough wasting time, onto the episode!!
9:00:  “Dave Willilams had been planning the murder for years.” …as he eats Doritos.
9:01: This little insight into Dave’s crazy is FANTASTIC. Although, if his plan is to kill Katherine, then obviously his plan is going to go awry and he’s going to kill someone who’s not Katherine. As per my prediction, I think it’s not going to be Edie, but Peggy says it is. She might be right.
9:04: KARL. YES. It’s been way too long since we’ve seen him! I just realized that the only time I really liked Susan was when she had Karl putting her in her place. Now, don’t get me wrong — I don’t think Karl’s a good person, by any means, but I love watching him.

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So many good suggestions this week!! I appreciate all the tips and help! Now on to name the winners and losers of “The Story of Lucy and Jessie,” episode 5.17.

We all know I wasn’t super thrilled with this episode because of the overly hyped “lesbian” kiss, so for that reason, I’m going to do the losers first!

LOSERS

1. The Person Who Does Desperate Housewives’ Promotions: Ahh, now you can see why I made the decision to put the losers first. After having some time to think about the kiss, I’ve got a few different thoughts about it. Commenter Jamie isn’t wrong when he said it was a smart move to do it, and to do it now — during sweeps and right before Edie likely will be killed off the show. I’m in total agreeance that it’s a smart move, but I worry about smart, gimmicky moves ruining the show. But yeah, if it got more people to watch it, and we’re still here, the show did something right, yes? And this is why I just write about it after it’s happened and no one’s hiring me to do any marketing. Anyway, the reason Promotions Guy is on the list is because the actual kisses (both of them) were fine. Nothing to write home about, nothing shocking or extreme or even close to taboo. It’s the insane hype before this show that earns Promotions Guy a spot on the losers’ list.

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Desperate Housewives “The Story of Lucy and Jessie”
Air Date: March 15, 2009
Liveblog/recap

I’m watching the show by myself tonight. Neighbor Peggy’s got a lot of teacher-homework-business to do, so she’s missing out on the OMG 2 GURLS R GUNNA KISS episode. At ANY rate, I guess it’s all on me to make fun of the writers for using a tired, society-damaging device like a lesbian kiss to get more viewers. Let’s see if it was worth it…

9:00: The previously on shows Crazy Dave organizing his camping trip. This is one of the stories I’ve been dying to see more of. So has Edie! And Bradley! And Amy’s off to a terrible, non-hilarious start to tonight’s live blog. Will she get less funny? Stay tuned to find out.
9:03: Funny how things work out, eh? Carlos and Gaby can use Boss Bradley’s bribes to keep his cheating ways quiet to their benefit — and do all these things some would call “sinful,” and, in the end, Carlos gets Bradley’s job. What would you call that? Luck?
9:05: Edie just found out that Crazy Dave’s adorable daughter died in the same crash as his wife…and well, that he even had an adorable daughter to begin with. Want more! Want more! I want the entire show to be about Dave and Edie.
9:07: Aw, I was hoping for Lynette to stand up for herself when those two “old” 28-year-olds started rambling like Rachel McAdams in “Mean Girls” about how “old” women don’t stand a chance in the biz. Instead, all we got  was a “call my kids if you hear a gunshot”? Come on Lynette, where you at, lady???
9:08: And here’s our first opportunity to see Susan teaching — and Swoosie Kurtz! As previously reported, we knew she was going to be on the show, but we didn’t know how. Now we will…
9:10: Orson’s trying to justify his thievery to Bree. She’s not getting it. “Stealing a ceramic duck give you a thrill?” Ha! And he scoffs at the idea of talking to a psychiatrist, and says he’s not crazy. Oh, right, and Bree met you at the supermarket, was it, Orson? Right? Ooohhh, yeaaaah. Nice try, dude, but Dave’ll probably be leaving the show soon, and let’s face it: Every good awesome/trashy soap opera needs at least one crazy. You’ll take that crown from Dave, Orson.

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Read last week’s winners and losers

It’s time for our weekly game of winners and losers! Please remember these are up to you, too, so if you see someone you think should be a winner/loser in Sunday’s episode, e-mail or comment it to me!

Onward to the winners and losers of the ‘wives game!

WINNERS:

1. Eli: Biggest surprise in the world alert! Y’all had NO idea I was going to pick him, right? There are certain occasions when you can overlook the stupid devices TV folks use to make things easier on them. The dream sequence, replacing a character because the actor quit/died and bringing in some rando to make up a good storyline all are those devices. It’s allowed, if it works. Eli worked. I was endeared to him over the course of an hour, and sista wasn’t willing to budge early in the episode (as you know.)

2. Nicollette Sheridan: You’ll notice I listed Nicollette instead of Edie. There’s a reason for it. Nicollette’s the one who did all the work to make her body that hot, so Nicollette deserves the credit, not Edie. I mean, the woman’s 45 for St. Tushie’s sake, kids! When we were watching the “Does my ass look nice, Eli?” part, I mistakenly turned up the volum e. The volume bar at the bottom screen BLOCKED HER ASS FOR 10 SECONDS. Needless to say, the TV couldn’t hear my shrieking and I had to YouTube it to watch again.

3. Mary Alice: Of all the people Eli helped, Mary Alice really was the only one to really, really gain from it. I know, the other ladies were better from his little life lessons, but Mary Alice actually helped him in return. I always wonder what she’d be like if she were still around. She seems so much less of a caricature of a human than the others, doesn’t she? She’s just a nice lady.

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Read last week’s winners and losers

It’s time for our weekly game of winners and losers! Please remember these are up to you, too, so if you see someone you think should be a winner/loser in Sunday’s episode, e-mail or comment it to me!

Onward to the winners and losers of the ‘wives game!

WINNERS

1. Lynette: The woman done outdone her mother AND the Matt-Damon-lookin’ kid with a single “Oh, looky, I’m going to pretend I DIED” move. I had a tiny amount of pity (itty bitty pity, if you will) for her mom at the end, but not enough to say Lynette’s move was dastardly. It was anything but dastard, in fact. Man, Lynette, you’re awesome. You manage to win in every episode, even when I’m looking forward to something else. For that, you, good lady, are a winner! (Suggested by Jamie!)

2. Edie: I’ve had a deep internal debate about whether Edie should be on the winner list. So deep, in fact, that I channeled the woman and began talking like her and making snarky comments to coworkers, friends and random people on the street (which did NOT go something like this, “Suuussan. Your mother’s in here with us.” Exorcist? Anyone? Anyone? No? Moving on…). Despite Edie’s obvious failure in being as strong and independent as I had originally pegged — when she went back to Dave at the end — she’s a winner. She put Susan in her place, and someone desperately, desperately needed to put that desperate woman on Desperate Housewives in her desperate place. That, for the time being, wins over male-go-backery. (Thanks to Holly for that one. Sorry, Jamie…disagreement number 2!)

3. Bree: When hasn’t Bree been a winner in this season? The red-headed fox managed to give us a great fight and a make-up with Alex, the future-son-in-law, and all in one episode. So the viewers are left with the satisfaction of watching a great spat, but with all the resolution of happy ending. And yes, the bit with Orson and Bree in the sackarooni alone is worth a winner mention. (Thanks to Holly AND Jamie for that one!)

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Desperate Housewives 5.11 “Home is the Place”
Air date: Jan. 4, 2009
Live blog / recap [preview]

Tonight I’m watching with Neighbor Peggy, and we’re both super, super, SUPER excited to see tonight’s episode. Check back tomorrow for the winners and losers of “Home is the Place” or nominate your own in the comments below!!

9 p.m.: Shhhh! The “previously on” is on! I’ve been waiting A WHOLE MONTH FOR THIS!!
9:01: What’d Justin say his mother’s name was? Melina Caminas…Hyenas? Is there a coincidence that both Bree and Hyenas have red hair? I’m sensing a battle between the Good Bree and the Bad Bree. I don’t think I know which one is which.
9:03 Ah! Edie Williams realty! I keep forgetting that her last name isn’t Britt anymore. Whatever. I’m still calling her Edie Britch.
9:04: What’s wrong with Dave’s face? Peggy says it looks like he stole the color from Edie’s face. Definitely not from her chest, though. Sista looks like she’s always three seconds from a terrible case of melanoma.
9:05: Peggy and I both at the same time: “Woah, Susan!” Peggy meant is as a bad “woah” to the ruh-fuffle-fuffle shoulders on Susan’s jacket. I, however, meant it as a good “woah” because her hair finally doesn’t look like a dirtier, stringier version of Kurt Cobain’s.
9:07: Ha! Lee just called Susan a drag queen! He said it, I didn’t.
9:08: “Naked people are gross,” Carlos. Some are, Carlos. Some are.
9:09: OMG! BREE AND I HAVE THE SAME IRON!!! What does this say for my homemakery abilities? Should I be able to iron like an angel now? (How do angels iron?)

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Good news, kids!!!

When Gale Harold, who plays Jackson on Desperate Housewives, was hurt in a motocycle accident on Oct. 14., I was panicky.

And since then, relatively little news has come out about his progress, making me even more panicky. Until now!

Gale was seen at the Kirk Douglas Theatre near L.A., to see “The Little Dog Laughed.” According to Bay Windows, Gale will “be returning to Desperate Housewives after the holiday break.”

This can only mean one thing: More drama in the soon-to-be-love-square of Susan, Jackson, Mike and Katherine!

…to which I can only say one thing: Yay!

Image source: CTV